Archive of ‘Life Without A Manual’ category

Caught Barehanded

Today, I went to a Bath and Body Works where a sign posted on the door read: “Spread Love, Not Germs.” And then I watched a woman dig down deep into a bin of $5 bottles of hand sanitizer. Apparently, the particular scent she desired was located at the very bottom of the barrel.

Was she wearing gloves? Nope.

Did she at least wash her hands at the sink before she dove in? I don’t know.

I’m guessing she didn’t see the sign.

What I did know at that moment was there was no freaking way I was buying hand sanitizer from that container. Nor did I want to reach my hand into any of the other bins in the store. I wanted to get the hell out of there. I made my way to the counter and told myself that the bottles of hand soap in my arms were three or four deep on the shelf and completely untouched before I came along.

And even though I witnessed what I considered to be a heinous act against her fellow shoppers, I felt terrible for the next person who didn’t see it happen. She would unknowingly put her hand into that bin to select her item and will have had no idea what a bad decision she was making for herself and her family. I only hope she washes her hands immediately after.

And these are the things that I think about when I try to enjoy a few hours of shopping with my daughter. I get upset and then concerned. I looked around for the pandemic police to come to our rescue and wipe down every bottle in the store.

It’s exhausting to be this anxious and over a little thing like a bottle of hand sanitizer. I don’t want to be this person. It is hard to suppress my feelings, but I managed to do so. What is the alternative? The last thing I want is to become agoraphobic and stay home until a vaccine is discovered, tested, approved and distributed in a safe and effective manner. That could take a while, so we all have to figure out ways to live with this virus. My hope is that we all make better choices along the way.

And to the person who made a poor decision to plunge her uncovered hands into that bin, I hope the French Lavender fragrance was worth it.

Friday Thoughts

I had big plans for this month. Working from home gives me so much more flexibility that I could easily squeeze in the time for a blog post every day. Right?

Apparently not. Last week, I was furloughed from my job with the hope of them bringing me back in January of next year. It has taken me a little while to get used to this new reality. From filing for unemployment to coming up with a new daily routine, it is all a bit of a shock to my system. All last week, I went to bed wondering what I did that day. Did I accomplish anything? And old habits are hard to break. I still wake up at the same time and automatically pick up my phone to check my email–only to remember that I am locked out of my accounts, and I have no meetings today.

But, I am thinking positive. I know I’m going to land on my feet and be fine. I have a large network to tap into and people have been generous, kind and willing to help. Right now, I’m technically still employed and my benefits are intact. But, I’ve never been in this situation before. It is bizarre, and naively, I didn’t think it would happen to me.

Happier News

Today is Chloe’s “gotcha” day. We adopted our poodle four years ago, and I can honestly say she has made our family complete. During quarantine, she has been by our side, putting smiles on our faces and up for some short-term snuggling when we are feeling down. I’m so happy we have her in our lives. Happy “Gotcha” Day, Chloe!

Back to School

Our daughter heads back to college in two weeks which leaves me with mixed feelings. I love having her around the house. It’s like she never left. If this was her freshman year, I’d encourage her to go to our local community college to take her gen eds. But, she has had her taste of sweet freedom and there is no putting that genie back in the bottle. To be honest, I’m betting on her being back upstairs in her room taking classes by October. I can’t see how this on-campus life is going to work, but I’m willing to give it a try.

Meanwhile, our son, Andrew, will be a junior in high school. This is a big year for him, and I want him to have the best set up to succeed. For me, that would have meant in-classroom learning. He is much better in that environment than reading off a computer screen. But, the school board recently decided to go all virtual for the first marking period. No fall sports which is a shame, but at least, we are not on complete lockdown. He can see his girlfriend and core group of friends at a social distance, of course. People are upset with this decision. Mostly because we all thought we had options between sending them back in person and online learning, but the school board decided for us and in a way that gave none of us a voice in the process. While that is frustrating, frankly I’m relieved not to have to make this decision myself.

For the record, there is no right answer when it comes to sending our kids back to school. Whatever decision you are making for your kids – keeping them home, sending them back, doing a hybrid – it’s the right decision. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. This is hard, and I support you.

Blog Update

Our fearless leader of the Ultimate Blog Challenge recently asked what our plans are for our blogs in the future. My plan is simple – to keep writing. I didn’t get in all 31 blog posts like I wanted to do. Oh well, shit happens And it really hit the fan here this month.

I will keep writing. I hope you keep reading.

Stay healthy and safe everyone. Wear a mask. XO

 

Out of Control

The very definition of being in control is having the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

I’ve never been a control freak, but I am a Type A personality and I like the sense of security that comes with feeling in control. But so far, everything this year seems completely out of control. From being reassigned to another team at work to being forced into quarantine, I am not in control of anything right now. And then – as if that weren’t enough – a tragic event has befallen our country and shook many of us to our core.

Personally, my cocoon of living in a peaceful and somewhat controlled world has been violently shredded and replaced with a brand new world that I don’t recognize and never knew existed.

Okay, maybe I did know it existed. And now, I realize I have been unintentionally complacent towards it. And, I’m angry at myself for not seeing it sooner.

As a Jew, I recognize the antisemitic stereotypes and prejudice that I’ve experienced towards me, my family, and my community. But, those instances have never interfered with my ability to buy a house, receive a quality education, and pursue my dreams. I’ve never been followed in a store or pulled over in my car for no particular reason. My mere presence in places has never been questioned. I’ve never had to hold my tongue or change my tone for fear that police officers would feel threatened and justified in harming me.

Living in my safe cocoon has been a privilege, and I see that clearly now.

So now what? I guess recognizing it is a step in the right direction. Now, it’s a question of what I can do about it. Instead of feeling out of control, I’ll let go of the reins a little more and let others take the lead. I’ll take a step back and stay alert for instances of injustice and unfairness towards the black community and then speak out when I feel it’s needed. I’ll read more about their history and their lives. I’ll listen to their stories. I’ll learn a lot and more importantly, I’ll share what I’ve learned with others so we can all make changes for the better.

And if and when the opportunity presents itself, I’ll find ways to make a difference. So please, let me know what I can do. Or if I’m on the right track. I’m all ears.

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