The Bird Test

Have you ever heard of the personality test that determines what type of bird you most resemble? You could be an eagle (authoritative and powerful), a peacock (confident and friendly), a dove (peace-loving and kind), or an owl (logical and intelligent). The first time I took this test was during a staff retreat. The results pigeon-holed us into our bird personas, and we learned how to work with the other bird types without shitting on them.

Back then, I was one hundred percent a dove—a people-pleasing specimen that avoided confrontation at all costs and just wanted people to get along. I prioritized being liked over everything else and often gave in to other people’s wishes to keep the peace. Sometimes I did this to a fault and definitely to my detriment.

Many years ago, I worked with a volunteer who was chairing a major fundraising event. As the staff person in charge, I did most of the work. She never seemed to have the time to do the tasks she promised to do, so I did them along with my other responsibilities without complaint. I worked long hours, and at one point, my frustration became so apparent she insisted on knowing why I was upset. When I took the brave step to lay out the instances where she didn’t follow through on her work, she burst into tears in my office and then left abruptly. I felt terrible, but we both knew I was right. By being professional and honest with her, I had hoped she would understand where I was coming from and take a more active role. Instead, she told my boss and didn’t stop telling people until it reached the highest levels of the organization. After this experience, I stayed firmly in my dove-like existence for many more years to come.

I was a dove in my personal life too. When the people closest to me didn’t get along, I saw it as my job to mediate our differences. If I disagreed with my husband, parents, or in-laws, I held my ground for a short time, but ultimately, ended up apologizing because I couldn’t stand us all being mad at each other. This cycle of fighting and reconciling was my M.O. I was always the dove surrounded by the many eagles that soared above me.

Suffice it to say; I have spent years in therapy learning to be less dove-like. After so many confrontations at work and home, I was an emotional mess. I feared confrontation instead of addressing it and lived and breathed on outside approval. I was depressed and unhappy. I was trapped in a cage papered with missed opportunities to live authentically.

And as they say, I’ve come a long way, baby. On a whim (and a Google search for something to write about today 😉 ), I took the bird test again and discovered I am no longer all dove. I’m much more of a proud peacock.

Peacocks and doves have similarities. We are social birds who are loyal and kind and have a lot of empathy toward others. And we both dislike conflict. But while the dove does whatever it takes to avoid it, the peacock reframes conflict as a challenge and has the confidence to talk it out and come up with solutions. This rings so true in my career because I’ve felt the most successful when I tackle problems head-on instead of shying away from them. I’ve learned to speak up in difficult situations, listen to both sides and arrive at a good place. Sometimes I get my way, and often I don’t, but I no longer live or die by those outcomes anymore. Life is too short.

Peacocks are also enthusiastic and curious about the world. We can quickly adapt to change and adjust to a new normal. And while change is never easy, we are open-minded creatures. Other birds may see us as loud or showy, but it’s more likely that we are creative and passionate instead. As a new empty-nester (no pun intended), I think being more peacock and less dove-like suits me well. I welcome this new stage of my life and constantly search for new ways to express my authentic self. I respect and remain loyal to the eagles and try not to annoy the owls too much.

And I am constantly hugging my inner dove and telling her not to worry so much. The sky is big enough for all of us.

Have you ever taken the bird test (also known as the D.O.P.E test)? Take it and see what bird it says you are. Do you agree with the results? Do tell me in the comments!

May 2023 Book Report

Summertime is my favorite season because it is the time of year when I find it easier to give myself permission to prioritize reading over everything else. For me, summer and books are like Santa Claus and Christmas. They just go together.

Right now, there are way too many summer reading guides to count, and I can’t get enough of them! I’ve added even more books to my already overloaded TBR pile, but I’m also in the mood to shop my shelves because I have so many titles at my fingertips. Right now, I am reading “Symphony of Secrets” by Brandon Slocumb and “Write the Damn Book Already: Tell Your Story. Share Your Message. Make an Impact” by Elizabeth Lyons. (I’m trying! I’m trying!)

In the meantime, I read three books this month and reviewed them below. Let me know what you are reading right now in the comments!

The Teachers: A Year Inside America’s Most Vulnerable, Important Profession by Alexandra Robbins

In college, I wanted to major in secondary education and become a history teacher. I loved my history teachers, and I’ve visited Williamsburg, Virginia, and other colonial battlefields numerous times, so it made sense that being an expert in colonial history and teaching would be my chosen career. Unfortunately, I didn’t care much for my educational theory classes, so I decided to change my major to the more impractical B.A. in History with a minor in Journalism. After reading this year-in-the-life account of three school teachers, I think I made a wise decision.

I’ve always known that teachers are dedicated to their students, but I don’t think I’ve appreciated their efforts enough — and I’m the daughter of a public school teacher! This book gives a behind-the-scenes look into the school year and what teachers go through to succeed in their classrooms, which too often is detrimental to their personal lives. From covering for other teachers and leading extra-curricular activities to dealing with difficult parents and even more difficult administrators, the author (an NYT award-winning journalist) lays it all out through inspiring stories and sometimes shocking details.

If you are looking for a good non-fiction, in-depth read, I recommend this four-star book. But if you are a teacher, this book is probably not for you — especially over the summer. In fact, enjoy the work/Iife balance that I hope comes with the summer months for teachers. You deserve it, and the rest of us take it for granted. For the rest of you, you can get lost in candid classroom moments and invest in the well-being of the students and, more importantly, teachers.

What I do not recommend is listening to this as an audiobook. While the author is a talented writer, she is a terrible audiobook narrator. Her attempts to read the book using various accents are awful. And I do mean awful! They are offensive, stereotypical, and cringy. Yes, she tried, but she should keep her day job.

Defending Britta Stein by Ronald H. Balson

It’s been a while since I’ve read a World War II/Holocaust book. Admittedly, it’s not my favorite genre. I’ve read so many because I work in the Jewish community, and typically the book signings and author events center around this time period. Nowadays, the books in this category have to stand out for me to want to read them. And even then, I’m not rushing to pick them up. For instance, I still haven’t read “The Nightingale” by Kristin Hannah, which seems to be the new gold standard of Holocaust books since Anne Frank’s diary.

Defending Britta Stein came onto my radar because someone in my book club recommended it. I trust her reading tastes immensely, and I was pleased to see that the author wrote one of my favorite historical fiction novels, “Saving Sophie.” That was a good sign, so I downloaded the book on my Kindle. Here’s the setup:

Britta, a 90-something-year-old woman, is on trial for defamation of a local World War II “hero” who is about to be honored by their town with all kinds of accolades. After spraypainting words like TRAITOR and WAR CRIMINAL on the outer walls of his restaurant, she is quickly caught by security cameras and owns up to the crime. But she insists this man is no hero and wants to tell her side of the story. Most of the book is Britta taking a long time telling her lawyer and granddaughter about her life in Nazi-occupied Denmark. She tells her story in painstaking detail, and unfortunately, by the time she gets to the big reveal about the traitorous actions of this man, I lost interest. I would have enjoyed this book a lot more if the author had put the reader right into the action instead of relying on Britta’s storytelling.

However, I wanted to see how the trial panned out, so I kept reading. Sadly, the trial was rushed at the end of the book, and the cartoonish prosecutor with a passion for the limelight distracted me. I think if there is going to be a book about a trial, the author should spend a decent amount of time on the trial as they do on the backstory. I did give this book three and a half stars because the history of the Danish people saving 7200 Jews from the Nazis is an important story to tell and should be told more often. The author did an excellent job depicting the kindness of strangers, and we could all use a little more of that these days.

I’m Wearing Tunics Now: On Growing Older, Better, and a Hell of a Lot Louder by Wendi Aarons

My new favorite podcast is Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, where our host interviews brilliant and successful women of a certain age. So far, she has talked with Jane Fonda, Fran Leibowitz, Rhea Perlman, and others about their life experiences and gives them the opportunity to pass along their wisdom to the rest of us. The interviews are brilliant, funny, and inspiring. As a woman in her 50s watching my parents age and my children grow into young adults and wondering how the next chapter in my life will unfold — this podcast is exactly what I need right now.

So, it was no surprise when I couldn’t wait to read this funny and poignant memoir about second acts and self-acceptance. The author’s reflections on middle age and wanting to chase her dreams spoke to me on many levels. Ladies — her stories are our stories. Her journey is so familiar and validating that I just want to take her to lunch, share our experiences, have a good laugh and then go to a Barry Manilow concert with her. She is a big fan, like me. I don’t want to say to spoil the book for you. But I’ll leave you with this marketing blurb from Amazon. If any of this resonates with you, I highly recommend this book.

Through personal essays and satirical pieces, you will learn how to:

  • Follow your dreams, even if you aren’t a wide-eyed twenty-something stepping off a bus in L.A.
  • Throw yourself a middle-age-reveal party
  • Start over again even if you’re 40 (okay, fine, 50)
  • Find the perfect cocktail to pair with your perimenopause
  • Not feel pigeon-holed into a boring middle-aged life, or a perfect-mom life, or any kind of life that makes you feel unseen and unhappy
  • Embrace the comfort of a linen tunic

One More Thing

I am working on a summer reading list that I will happily share with you next week. Stay tuned! And don’t forget to support your local indie bookstores!



April 2023 Book Report

Last month, I read and reviewed four books. I hoped to keep my momentum going through April, but alas, I only finished one book. On the plus side, it was an excellent read, and I highly recommend it.

Search by Michelle Huneven tells the story of a woman who is invited to join her congregation’s search committee for a new minister. She belongs to a Unitarian Universalist church which attracts people from all religious backgrounds to their community. While this denomination is unfamiliar to me, the personalities and politics involved in seeking a new spiritual leader are pretty universal. I enjoyed listening to this fictionalized memoir (meaning the names are changed, but the story is the real deal. My experience working in the Jewish community as a communications professional has allowed me to interact with fantastic people with different priorities and opinions who all have one thing in common—a love for their congregation. That same love and desire for what’s best for the future of their community are what drive this particular search and this book. And if you aren’t involved in a congregation, you will still enjoy this book for its relatable characters and stay until the end when they choose a minister and the effect that decision has on the committee members, including the author.

I listened to the book on Audible, and the narrator did an excellent job distinguishing between the various characters. This is no easy task because the reader needs to follow along with each person’s back story and contributions to the committee’s work. Because the narrator did such a fantastic job, I enjoyed the book even more as I listened to everything unfold. If you read this one, let me know. I’d love to talk about it with you!

In Other Book News:

I am four books behind on reaching my Goodreads goal of 40 books read by the end of the year. But I’m not too worried. Summer is coming, and my pretty back patio will soon beckon me to sit outside, enjoy the nice weather, and read some fantastic books.

Right now, I’m in the middle of reading several books, hoping to finish three of them in May. The books I’m reading right now are:

  • This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub – I’m about halfway through this time-travel novel. I stopped reading a while back because I simply lost interest. But I’ve heard so many rave reviews about this book, and I want to see how it ends.
  • I’m Wearing Tunics Now: On Growing Older, Better, and a Hell of a Lot Louder, by Wendi Aarons – I just started this funny memoir about “second acts, self-acceptance, and celebrating what happens when a woman gets older.” I’m only a few chapters in, but I can relate to this author; her experiences are mine too. I’m sure I’ll finish this one quickly.
  • Beartown, by Fredrick Backman – I know. I know. I haven’t read this one yet, and it’s a lot of people’s favorite 5-star book. Sometimes I think the hype leads to my disappointment, but I hear it’s well-deserved in this case.
  • Defending Britta Stein, by Ronald Balson – This World War II novel is our next book club pick. I just downloaded it yesterday from Amazon after being unable to find it at my local indie bookstore.

Speaking of indie bookstores, I visited one of my favorites yesterday and purchased two books: “The Most Likely Club” by Elyssa Friedland and “The School for Good Mothers” by Jessamine Chan. I also got an Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) of William Landay’s “All that is Mine I Carry With Me.” His last book, “Defending Jacob” (a limited TV series), was one of my favorite five-star reads several years ago. I thought I had the book downloaded on Audible and also wanted a hard copy. I realize now that I have it on Kindle, so I’ll probably give this copy away. This is one of the occupational hazards of having too many books to read—you may acquire more than one copy. Good thing it was free.

One More Thing

This is the last post for the April Ultimate Blog Challenge. I didn’t quite make 30 posts, but I’ve written more than I have in months. I’ve also met some excellent writers and read their terrific blogs. This writing community is so supportive, and I always appreciate having the opportunity to write with them four times a year. I am also incredibly grateful to all of you who continue to read my blog posts and subscribe. Just because the month is over, I’m not done blogging. Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks.


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