Today, I went to a Bath and Body Works where a sign posted on the door read: “Spread Love, Not Germs.” And then I watched a woman dig down deep into a bin of $5 bottles of hand sanitizer. Apparently, the particular scent she desired was located at the very bottom of the barrel.

Was she wearing gloves? Nope.

Did she at least wash her hands at the sink before she dove in? I don’t know.

I’m guessing she didn’t see the sign.

What I did know at that moment was there was no freaking way I was buying hand sanitizer from that container. Nor did I want to reach my hand into any of the other bins in the store. I wanted to get the hell out of there. I made my way to the counter and told myself that the bottles of hand soap in my arms were three or four deep on the shelf and completely untouched before I came along.

And even though I witnessed what I considered to be a heinous act against her fellow shoppers, I felt terrible for the next person who didn’t see it happen. She would unknowingly put her hand into that bin to select her item and will have had no idea what a bad decision she was making for herself and her family. I only hope she washes her hands immediately after.

And these are the things that I think about when I try to enjoy a few hours of shopping with my daughter. I get upset and then concerned. I looked around for the pandemic police to come to our rescue and wipe down every bottle in the store.

It’s exhausting to be this anxious and over a little thing like a bottle of hand sanitizer. I don’t want to be this person. It is hard to suppress my feelings, but I managed to do so. What is the alternative? The last thing I want is to become agoraphobic and stay home until a vaccine is discovered, tested, approved and distributed in a safe and effective manner. That could take a while, so we all have to figure out ways to live with this virus. My hope is that we all make better choices along the way.

And to the person who made a poor decision to plunge her uncovered hands into that bin, I hope the French Lavender fragrance was worth it.

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The very definition of being in control is having the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

I’ve never been a control freak, but I am a Type A personality and I like the sense of security that comes with feeling in control. But so far, everything this year seems completely out of control. From being reassigned to another team at work to being forced into quarantine, I am not in control of anything right now. And then – as if that weren’t enough – a tragic event has befallen our country and shook many of us to our core.

Personally, my cocoon of living in a peaceful and somewhat controlled world has been violently shredded and replaced with a brand new world that I don’t recognize and never knew existed.

Okay, maybe I did know it existed. And now, I realize I have been unintentionally complacent towards it. And, I’m angry at myself for not seeing it sooner.

As a Jew, I recognize the antisemitic stereotypes and prejudice that I’ve experienced towards me, my family, and my community. But, those instances have never interfered with my ability to buy a house, receive a quality education, and pursue my dreams. I’ve never been followed in a store or pulled over in my car for no particular reason. My mere presence in places has never been questioned. I’ve never had to hold my tongue or change my tone for fear that police officers would feel threatened and justified in harming me.

Living in my safe cocoon has been a privilege, and I see that clearly now.

So now what? I guess recognizing it is a step in the right direction. Now, it’s a question of what I can do about it. Instead of feeling out of control, I’ll let go of the reins a little more and let others take the lead. I’ll take a step back and stay alert for instances of injustice and unfairness towards the black community and then speak out when I feel it’s needed. I’ll read more about their history and their lives. I’ll listen to their stories. I’ll learn a lot and more importantly, I’ll share what I’ve learned with others so we can all make changes for the better.

And if and when the opportunity presents itself, I’ll find ways to make a difference. So please, let me know what I can do. Or if I’m on the right track. I’m all ears.

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For over 12 years, I worked as the Director of Programs and Communications for a large congregation.

What does a Director of Programs and Communications do? Well, in a nutshell, I used to call myself the synagogue’s “cruise director.”

I planned the programs and events. I made announcements. I wrote trip itineraries and nailed down all the details. I worked with the most amazing people — everyone from clergy, staff and board members to speakers, musicians and entertainers. I connected people with similar interests.

I also made sure the food was prepared properly; the temperature was on a comfortable setting; people were enjoying themselves; and everything ran on schedule. Kind of like a cruise director.

And here’s the funny thing…all this has left me pleasantly surprised at how prepared I am for other jobs and life experiences — including working from home during a pandemic.

These days, I’m asking my family the same questions I asked fellow congregants.

Is there enough food? Is it good?

Does everyone have what they need?

Do you know where you are going and what you are doing?

IS EVERYBODY HAPPY??!!

Seriously, it’s been a lot of fun and a lot of work. We’ve had some laughs, nice family dinners, a few meltdowns (mostly by me) and multiple trips to Giant for brownie bites and alcohol.

It’s like working at the synagogue all over again – except these “members” have seen me in my pajamas. 🙂

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My dog, Chloe, is pretty happy these days. Normally, she spends a good part of her day at home alone while we are at school and work. Although I wouldn’t put it past her to invite her dog friends over for parties once in a while when the humans are away. But those days are over, for now. She has her humans back, and we aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

I live in Montgomery County, PA and thanks to this pandemic, we are on – I guess you would call it a lockdown – for the next two weeks. All schools are canceled including public, private, religious and others. I’m guessing home-schooling and online schools remain unaffected. In addition, gyms, theaters, malls and entertainment venues are closed. Small businesses are making their own decisions as to whether or not to stay open. Large gatherings are canceled. In my school district, school events are either canceled or postponed through Memorial Day weekend. Medical centers, urgent care, doctors’ offices, pharmacies and grocery stores remain open. I understand the local liquor stores are experiencing an influx of customers as if it were New Year’s Eve.

While this mandatory form of social distancing may seem extreme, there have been 13 people tested for coronavirus in our county which is more than half the number of the entire state. My thought is this is due to lots of people in my area who are able to or need to travel for work and may have contracted the virus along the way.

I, for one, am grateful that our governor has taken this pandemic seriously and taking action. Without getting too political, I can’t say the same for the federal government.

I am not panicking – although sometimes my hypochondria gets the best of me.

I am grateful.

I’m grateful to be able to work from home.

I’m grateful that both of my kids are here.

Chloe is grateful for the company and more frequent walks around the block.

I’m grateful to have jigsaw puzzles to do, books to read and blog posts to write. As a side note, I’m pretty sure my current situation will result in a lot of material for this blog. After all, we are literally living life without a manual.

We will get through this. We have no choice. We’re all in this together.

Stay healthy, everyone!

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I haven’t written a blog post in a while. I have started and stopped about 25 different posts since the end of January, but I didn’t think any were worth publishing.

You see, I have this problem. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s called imposter syndrome. It’s a psychological condition in which one believes that despite all their accomplishments, people have an intense fear that others will find out they are a fraud.

Yes, I know. I’m being ridiculous. I know I’m not a fraud, but let’s face it I’m not an author either (yet). But, it’s a process. It’s a long process to go from writer to a blogger to an author. I’ve been doing the writer part since the fourth grade. I wrote for the school paper in high school and in college, I minored in journalism. I was the features editor of The Quad, had a popular weekly column, worked weekends as an obituary writer and then landed a reporter’s beat after graduation.

But then, I decided to put down my reporter’s notebook for a 9-5 job because I didn’t think I could make a living that way and have a family. I didn’t have a mentor or anyone back then to encourage me and tell me otherwise.

Since then, I’ve been dabbling in writing for the last 20 years. I’ve been a blogger, a storyteller, a scriptwriter, an editor, a presenter, a communications manager and, most recently, an email marketing expert.

But I no longer think this dabbling crap is enough for me, and here’s why.

If you came to my house and looked at my bookshelves, you would find writing magazines, books about writing and grammar, prompt decks and a poster on my corkboard with a list of quotes from famous writers about…can you guess…writing!

In the drawers of my desk are countless notebooks and yellow legal pads filled with things I’ve written for the writer’s workshop I’ve attended casually for years.

If you looked in my Yahoo inbox, you’d see emails from websites like Writers Write, Writer’s Digest, Poets and Writers, WOW – Women on Writing and so on.

If you read my mind, you would discover the plethora of personal stories still untold, the lists of people I want to interview, several book chapters and ideas, blog posts and more.

So, I’ll say it right now. I’m not an imposter.

I’m a writer.

And I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something.

Seriously, what the fuck am I waiting for?

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This morning I had a dentist appointment. I hate going because even though the staff is incredibly friendly and professional, and my dentist and I exchange stories as if we were friends from the old neighborhood, they always find something that needs to be fixed.

My dental history is a sad litany of cavities, root canals and crowns. Just once, I’d like to go to the dentist and receive a clean bill of health. Just once, I’d love them to say, “see you in six months.”

But, before I even step foot into the dentist’s office, I get a text from Andrew.

“If you are able to, can you bring me my warm-up jacket?”

Now, I know what you are thinking. Why did I say yes?  Why did I go out of my way to bring it to him, which is the complete opposite direction of the dentist’s office?

I know what you are thinking, and I hear you. I should say him no and just once not run over there to save the day.

But he had an important swim meet today. Literally called the “Last Chance” meet, it is his last chance to improve his breaststroke time so he can qualify for Districts. All season long, he goes to practice from 5:30 am (AM!) -7 am and then again after school from 3:30 pm-5:30 pm without complaint. Every day, he packs his snacks, his swim gear and his laptop and leaves the house and comes home in the dark. He’s allowed a free pass occasionally. And, if I didn’t bring it to him, he’d be standing around the pool wearing only his Speedo tech suit. I couldn’t do that to him.

Why am I telling you all of this? I’m not sure. Everyone has rough mornings. Everyone has that moment when they are ready to walk out the door only to be stopped by a text from their forgetful child. I don’t think I’m doing any significant damage by being kind and going out of my way to bring it to him.

And I had a fleeting thought that perhaps a good deed would equal good karma at the dentist.

Fast forward an hour later; I have an appointment to get a cavity filled on March 4th.

And how was your morning?

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Tomorrow morning, swim season starts which means Andrew has to be in the pool at 5:30 am. Yes, you read that right…5:30 AM. Tonight he needs to have his swimsuit, goggles, cap and towel as well as a change of clothes and everything he needs for school by the front door.

And – we have to remember to set our alarm clock.

Thankfully, we have a neighborhood carpool. What are the odds that 3 other teens on the swim team live in our neighborhood? One of them lives 3 doors down. God bless all the swim moms and dads! No matter how much we love our kids, no one wants to get up at 5 am every day and drive to the high school. Thus…the carpool.

We take the morning run because both of us work full time, and it’s hard to leave on time for a 5:30 pm pick up. Oh! Did I forget to mention, there is after school practice too? Yep! 5:30-7 am Monday through Friday and then again from 3-5:30 pm. These kids are nothing if not dedicated to their sport.

And they are such nice kids. I couldn’t ask for a better group of people for Andrew to spend his time with. Swimming is such an individual sport, but they are all part of a team. They cheer each other on from the pool deck. They celebrate their victories and mourn their losses like the teenagers they are.

And a shout-out to us swim parents too who drive them to practice and meets Sit and cheer each other’s kids on in their heats. Volunteer to be a timer or a runner during the meets. Work the snack bar. Host team breakfasts and pasta dinners for 50 or so kids on occasion who come for the food and the friendships.

And we make sure they have their swimsuits, goggles, cap and towel by the front door every morning at 5:30.

Here’s to an awesome season!

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