I’ve lost my voice – and not in the “I’m sick and can’t talk” sort of way. I lost my voice for my blog. This tends to happen when I start to censor myself, my topics, ideas, thoughts and words. Now that I’ve started to censor myself, it is difficult to stop. For instance, I was going to write a post on LinkedIn about working in the non-profits and the difference between being inspired to give and being expected to give. But I decided against it because maybe that is too controversial of a topic and maybe I’ll offend people – people I care about, people who I care what they think of me. So I put the topic on my long list of blog post ideas that grows daily, but hasn’t been dusted off in a long time. I can’t write about the joys and challenges of parenting because my kids are old enough to read it or hear about what I write from others. If i write about the joys – and there are a lot of them – I’ll embarrass them. If I write about the challenges – and there are a lot of them too – they will be upset at best. The writer’s workshop I used to attend was a haven of encouragement and support from fellow writers and wonderful conversations about everything from oxford commas and em dashes to story development and adventures in publishing. For financial reasons, I haven’t been able to return to the workshop and now it is difficult for me to find the time to go. So, I’ve lost my voice and I’m sad about it, but I’ll keep trying and hopefully you will still be there to read it.
Archive of ‘Life Without A Manual’ category
Keeping it Casual
As I desperately sift through the racks at Bloomingdales, I am a woman on a mission. I am in search of the perfect piece of clothing. I don’t care if what I find is a shirt, a pair of pants or a dress. It doesn’t matter what color or even pattern necessarily. Sometimes, I snag a cool pair of earrings or some cute sandals. I know what I’m looking for and it needs to have only two innate qualities – it has to be casual, but professional. I’m looking for something trendy yet authoritative, cool and collected, fashionable (affordable) and fabulous. In order for this mission to be successful, I’ve had to abandon my regular trips to Loft because the merchandise doesn’t fit the bill. I already have a closet full of black and gray slacks with matching tops and blazers that could dress an army of businesswomen. But now, I work in an office where the dress code is casual. Not business casual, but casual casual. This is a challenge for someone who has a closet full of apparel from Ann Taylor and Banana Republic. My closet needs a makeover. Jeans are practically the uniform at the office. Any kind of jean is acceptable – except for the mom kind. Dark, faded, even ripped jeans are acceptable, but that is where I draw the line. I refuse to wear ripped jeans to work because I personally don’t think it is professional and frankly it seems silly to try and pull off at my age. I want clothes that don’t look maternal, but also doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard. The pink jeans last week were a mistake – a big one. What looked cute first thing in the morning was ridiculous to me by noon. I missed the mark that day. And no matter how great something looks in the dressing room – it doesn’t look nearly as good on me when I get home. Since I have no time to go back and return it, I wear it anyway and secretly hope someone will pay me a compliment so I know I fit in. I thought I was past all of this, but apparently I’m not because there I am waiting for acceptance – like a middle school student wanting to be included by the popular girls. So, I’ve abandoned my go-to stores and recently stepped my toes into boutiques where I don’t typically shop. Even the department stores I dreaded as a kid are now a gold mine for all types of clothes for women of a certain age. Yes, I’m well aware of my first world problem, but I still dream of mornings when I don’t change my clothes at least 3 times in search of the perfect outfit. That will be a mission accomplished.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
As the song goes, I’ve turned and faced the strange… So many changes in the last few months and it is hard to know where to start. After 12 1/2 years at a wonderful job at the synagogue, I decided to make a change. This was not an easy decision to make, nor one I took lightly. How would people react? Would my family be comfortable staying members? What do I need to do for myself and my career path? The last question was the one that pushed me forward. It was time for a change. I felt unable to feed my spiritual side because I was always working. Now, I can sit in services and not worry about the room temperature, the meal after the program or whether or not the speaker showed up on time. I wasn’t unhappy – I just needed a change; a chance to grow as a professional and as a person. And I think this is very important as I settle into my mid-40’s. There are a lot of questions floating around in my mind like what do I want to do with the remainder of my career? What path do I want to take? What is the next step for me? I’m so happy to have found it in my new workplace – Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation. Every day, I am learning something new and meeting great people who are fighting to cure childhood cancer. It is an amazing organization and I am proud to be a part of it. As for whether or not it would be awkward to stay a member of the synagogue – the answer is – it has not been awkward at all. People are genuinely happy for me and still welcome me back with open arms when I walk through the door. Now, I have the best of both worlds which makes me happy. There are other changes