The Sassy and Sleepy Laptop

I’ve been on vacation most of this week, and my laptop seems to be as well. It isn’t like I didn’t use it while I was away. I just didn’t use it as often as I usually do, which has apparently caused it to be lazy and obnoxious. The following is a hypothetical conversation I imagined having with my laptop:

Me: Wake up! I need to work. I have emails to answer, articles to write, and, above all, blogs to post. Don’t you know that I’m already five days late starting the Ultimate Blog Challenge?

Laptop: Seriously?! What do you want from me?! Can’t you give me a few minutes to get my bearings? First, I sat in your backpack for two days straight while you were hanging out at the Jersey shore. Then, you took me out that one morning when you had some downtime to try and get some work done. Shortly afterward, I was put away for another day and a half until we went home. When we finally arrived home, you left me on the kitchen counter last night instead of in my cozy spot in your office under the vision board. I’m all turned around now, so give me some time to warm up.

Me: JUST START ALREADY! I have a to-do list that is a mile long, and you are not cooperating!

Laptop: Jeez, why are you yelling at me?! It is so unfair to have to wake up on demand and make myself presentable and completely available for you 24-7. I’m telling you…

Me: (Pushing buttons frantically)

Laptop: Fine! Keep pushing my buttons, and see what happens…Okay, now you’ve done it. I think it’s time to run one of my super inconvenient blue screen updates. And I’ll throw in the misleading circle of hell to tell you how long it will be before I’m done.

Me: (Cursing LOUDLY!)

Laptop: Oh, okay. Now, you are taking your frustration out on me. What do you mean you want a new laptop?! Don’t make me add an extra round of configurations to this update. You know I’ll do it.

Me: (Taking deep breaths and trying another approach)

Laptop: Ooh, what’s this? A little spray and microfiber cloth to keep me clean. Well, that’s nice of you. Thank you for calming down and thinking of me. We can get past this, can’t we? Let me finish up this update. I’ll even speed it up for you so you can start your day. Friends?

Me: Friends. I mutter under my breath, quietly considering purchasing a new computer.

And scene!

So, how is your day going?

XO,

Elisa