It starts out with a few sniffles. I don’t even think twice about it because I convince myself it is allergies. Out of nowhere, the sniffles turns into full blown congestion, a sore throat and a post-nasal drip right down into the pit of my stomach. All of a sudden, I’m out of tissues and drinking orange juice by the gallon for the Vitamin C. I waited too long to take a zinc tablet and before I know it, I’m face down on the couch barely moving because I feel like I was hit by a Mack truck. As any person under the weather would do, I goggled my symptoms and diagnosed myself accordingly. Seriously, who has the time to go to the doctor this time of year? Here is what I found: September-itis is defined as the annual condition combining cold-like symptoms with complete exhaustion. The cause is typically attributed to an abrupt change in schedules such as relaxing family vacations and unlimited pool time to driving around all night long to find the elusive 3-ring hole punch that fits in your child’s binder. Multiple trips to Target on the same day or trips to multiple Targets over several days will only exacerbate symptoms. Unfortunately, there is no known cure. Treatments can vary from cold medicines and ibuprofen to keep symptoms at bay to ingesting massive amounts of coffee in order to keep up with your children’s crazy schedule during daylight hours. Four out of five parents recommend frequent midday naps. WARNING: Don’t forget to set an alarm or 3 hours will fly by before you know it. Side effects include (but are not limited to): Pizza, hoagies, and Chinese food for dinner instead of home-cooked meals; piles of laundry unattended; dishes in the sink; mail still in the mailbox (because I’m just too damn tired to walk that far); brief memory loss noticeable to friends and family, and juggling nearly missed and/or cancelled appointments, practices, and performances. Sudden bursts of energy may occur intermittently, but it is a huge mistake to consider yourself feeling “much better” too soon. September-itis can last up to 30 days. September-itis is not known to be contagious however you may see more than one mom or dad walking around in a similar disoriented fashion. Please take a moment to give them a hug, pass them a cup of coffee, find them a seat and assure them they are going to be okay. October is right around the corner.
Back to School Blues
If I wasn’t working full-time, I would make a great volunteer at my children’s schools. I could see myself organizing fundraisers, being up to my eyeballs in box tops, and attending and possibly running PTO meetings. I would sell tickets for the play, chaperone field trips, and work in the school store. I try not to feel guilty about it but this time of year brings back those old feelings of not doing enough.
A Picture Perfect Contract
My dearest children, I am responding to your recent request to cease taking photos of you and posting them on my Facebook page. I have reviewed your arguments thoroughly and taken into account your well-documented complaints regarding the protection of your image and concern over potential parental embarrassment. I am ready to give my ruling on this matter. As your parent, who is incredibly proud of your inner beauty, outstanding accomplishments and adorable faces, I often feel a strong and innate desire to share your lives with friends and family. While this urge comes on a daily basis, I will do my best not to take photos that may (or may not) be later posted and captioned as “your daily cuteness.” Let me assure you that I would never intentionally do anything to jeopardize your reputation as the amazing people you are slowly becoming before my very eyes. However, at this time I feel some ground rules should be established when future opportunities of a photographic nature arise. And please do not let the fact that I spent 18 hours of my life in a long and drawn out labor with no epidural with said daughter as well as 6 hours of an incredibly difficult labor (again with no epidural!) with said son…influence you in any way. Please find my terms below:
- Special occasion photos–also known to my generation as “Kodak moments”–will be taken on a regular basis. These include, but are not limited to, the first day of school, the last day of school, all holidays, bar/bat mitzvah, proms, family celebrations and vacations, graduations, etc. You will pose for these photos as directed as long as you live under my roof–and then we can renegotiate.
- Purpose– The purpose of these photos are to document your lives in a way that is enjoyable, respectful and representative of your childhood and teenage years. Some photos may be shown to future spouses and grandchildren. The viewing of bar and bat mitzvah videos will not be shown to potential boyfriends and spouses without your permission…but that is a story for another time.
- Approval process–I will show you all photos before posting them. Retakes may be required in order to arrive at a mutually-agreed upon picture.
- My Promise – I solemnly swear NEVER to take or post a photo or video of you coming out of anesthesia after getting your wisdom teeth pulled. Nor will I take or post photos of you when you are angry or upset in any way, shape or form. You have my word that I will never put you through that kind of torture.
Your compliance of the above guidelines and future cooperation during these photo sessions are greatly appreciated. With much love, Mom