There are days that I think to myself that there is a book inside of me waiting to come out. I wonder if I’ll wake up one day and these random blog posts will appear to me as a complete work worthy of publishing. I actually have an idea for a book that has nothing to do with this blog, but I can’t do it alone. I’m also not sure if I have the time to write every day when I already have a full time job, a husband and two kids. I’m also not sure I have the discipline to write every day. I’m just not sure. There are other days when I don’t think about my so-called book. I think about my great-great granddaughter who might want to know what life was like at the beginning of the 21st century. I’ve always thought that all of us are a part of history – whether we are making history or witnessing and reacting to it. I wonder if my great-great granddaughter will come across my journals one day when I’m long gone and be excited to read them. I only hope she can understand my handwriting. I take my writing seriously, but I don’t necessarily think of myself as a serious writer. To me, a serious writer makes the time to write every day. I don’t have that kind of time – and when I do, I admit that I get easily distracted watching the 3rd season of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix when I should be writing. A serious writer has a goal in mind – to be a published author – I’m not there yet. But I’m envious of those who have these goals in clear sight. There are a lot of people in my writing workshop in different stages of their manuscripts. They have done the research. They live with the characters in their head and are working on their next plot twist. They take the writing prompts given in class and write out whole scenes with dialogue to add to their work. I have a hard time with dialogue. I’m so impressed by these people – but I’m not 100% sure I’m one of them. But, I know in my heart that I love to write and that is what I’m meant to do, no matter who reads it. There are stories to be told, memories to be shared and lessons to be learned and that’s what matters most to me.
Life Got In The Way
True confession: There are times when I sit at my Weight Watchers meeting and often check my email while only half listening to the leader. I know. I know. It’s rude. I should give her my full attention. It’s not her fault; she is actually very good at her job. I can check my email any time and attending meetings is supposedly a big part of succeeding on this program. I know. Okay. I know. I’m sorry. I’m a multi-tasker with a severe lack of patience. I can’t help myself. But this week, while I was checking my email (and my Facebook page), I heard something that made me sit up and pay attention. Somewhere in between the monotonous litany of point finds and sharing recipes I know I’ll never try – someone was talking about how taking care of ourselves is so important and yet so incredibly hard. So many little things get in the way of making healthy choices. Instead of making time to exercise, track food, drink water, and prepare meals, we are all taking care of everyone else and their needs. And then she said something brilliant. If taking care of ourselves isn’t meaningful enough to us, then it will never become a priority. And she is right. There are so many little things that have gotten in my way of succeeding on any weight loss plan – laundry, dishes, homework, errands to name a few. And then there are the big things that got in my way – overcoming depression, planning my son’s bar mitzvah, getting used to a new job, adjusting to a different schedule and a much longer commute and dammit who has time to lose weight, let alone sit at a meeting without checking my inbox?! But my Weight Watchers leader had an excellent point. A point so good that it gave an entirely new meaning to their typical Weight Watchers SmartPoints. And I left the meeting making a big decision – it is high time for me to get back to my own self-care and make myself the priority. And for me, this means a few important things:
- Being more present in the lives of those who I love (a.k.a stop constantly checking email and FB)
- Finding time to exercise
- Plan out and cook meals and track my food intake
- Write more often (hence this blog post – my first one in over a year)
- Read, read, read
How am I going to succeed this time? What will be different? For the first time in a long time, I’m putting myself at the top of my to-do list. Stay tuned…
A List of My Lists
I started a new list today and halfway through it I wondered if I have this list already. The answer is probably, but I can’t find it–hence the need for a new list. When I clean up a room, I find old lists and check things off because it makes me feel good.
- TV shows I want to watch
- Books I want to read
- Blog posts I want to write