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Archive of ‘Life Without A Manual’ category

Save Me A Dance

The last time I danced with my Dad was two years ago at my nephew Tyler’s bar mitzvah. I never say no to a dance with him, and I love to watch him on the dance floor with others. Not just because he is a good dancer but because the joy he exudes when he dances is contagious. Seriously, if I could bottle it up and sell it, I’d be a millionaire a few times over.

He hasn’t let his Parkinson’s diagnosis slow him down. Dancing is a wonderful form of exercise for people with Parkinson’s disease (PD). It helps strengthen muscles and reinforces balance. It also stimulates the mind and keeps depression at bay which is common among those with PD.

It’s also a lot of fun.

I’m hoping for many more dances with Dad, so I’m taking six minutes today to shine a light on PD. April is Parkinson’s Awareness Month, and someone is diagnosed with it every six minutes in the U.S. Parkinson’s disease is the second most common neurological disease after Alzheimer’s disease. More than 10 million people worldwide live with Parkinson’s—including my Dad. He was officially diagnosed in 2011 but probably lived with it for years before that. The cause is largely unknown, but research points to a combination of genetics and environmental causes, like pesticides. Coincidentally, there are at least four other people who worked in the same building as my Dad who has or had Parkinson’s, so environmental causes could very well be a factor in his case.

PD is a complex disease to diagnose because many of the symptoms are similar to what happens as we age—walking slowly and shuffling, losing balance, cognitive difficulties, limb stiffness, tremors, and so on. But PD affects dopamine-producing neurons in a specific section of the brain. Dopamine is associated with movement, attention, memory, and learning, and low levels cause various issues. People are typically diagnosed later in life, but early onset is also possible. There are treatments—medication, physical therapy, etc. but so far, no cure.

Research is crucial to finding a cure. I am currently enrolled in the Parkinson’s Progression Markers Initiative, a comprehensive research study funded by the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. I’m also considering genetic testing to see if I have one of the three genes that indicate a higher risk factor for Parkinson’s. It turns out that I have family members on both sides who have been diagnosed with PD, but having the gene doesn’t mean I will ever develop the disease.

Getting off of my soapbox and back to my Dad. He is doing well. He has a terrific support system of friends and family and loves to keep in touch with everyone. And while I see changes in him as the years go by, I know there is still a lot of dancing left for us to do.

If you have a loved one, who has been diagnosed with PD or just want to learn more about this progressive neurological disease, check out the #Take6forPD campaign.

In My Prime

Imagine my surprise when I woke up on my birthday to CNN host Don Lemon reporting that women my age are past their prime. It must be true because he said he googled it.

Happy birthday to me! 

At first, his co-hosts thought he was talking about our looks or our childbearing years—which was bad enough. However, he was referring to 2024 presidential candidate Nikki Hayley who was calling for age-based competency tests for politicians over 75. He commented on how she shouldn’t talk since she is not in her 20s, 30s, or 40s. According to him, she is “past her prime.”

That’s very interesting. You see, I would argue that at 52, I am in my prime, operating with a full deck of cards, and you, Mr. Lemon, are quite the joker.

As a communications professional, I’ve worked in the editorial, marketing, and production departments of several publishing companies. I have also been fortunate to work for three different non-profit organizations and helped raise millions of dollars for various worthy causes. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to travel, learn new skills, develop expertise in various areas, mentor others, and, above all, make a difference.

On the flip side, I learned a lot about myself after surviving a toxic work environment where bullying and gaslighting were the leadership styles embraced by my superiors. While I drank the Kool-Aid for the cause (or the lemonade, in this case), my creativity and confidence in my abilities were shattered. At the lowest point, I sat across the conference table from my boss, who informed me that they don’t fire people, but he said he “knew how to make people want to leave.”

From then on, I lived in fear of how his mandate would play out for my co-workers and me. In my case, I was ousted from my team without cause, moved to a different department, and replaced by a younger, less experienced male colleague. Thankfully, a few weeks into my new role, the COVID-19 pandemic forced us all to work from home. It was a difficult time for me and for the world, but it turned out the virus became the cure I needed to move on.

Speaking of which, I now feel valued and respected as a professional. In my current position, I can be thoughtful, strategic, and creative. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I don’t. I learn from my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions without fear of major consequences. I know what I need to be successful and am not afraid to ask for it. More support? Bigger budget? Deadline extensions? I have no problem putting the request out there for consideration. What’s the worst that can happen? If I don’t ask, the answer is always no. If it doesn’t work out, I don’t cry about it. I keep moving forward and do the best I can.

I don’t think I would be where I am today without an incredible support system at home. Without this entourage of people cheering me on and providing me with sound advice, I wouldn’t be my authentic self. My husband, children, parents, sister, and extended families have always been behind me, see my potential, and challenge me to keep going for all I aspire to become.

In addition to my incredible family, I have a spectacular group of men and women in my life to whom I can turn to for just about anything. Parenting advice, career coaching, travel tips, book recommendations, or just a glass of wine and a kind word. They are all a few blocks or a text, a FaceTime call, or a Zoom chat away. This wasn’t always the case for me. I’ve had my share of troubled relationships in high school and college, where I felt used or ignored by people I thought were my closest companions. But now, as we all navigate this crazy time in our lives sandwiched between aging parents and young adult children while still pursuing our dreams, I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to travel with down this road.

I’m not saying I am without faults or challenges. Patience has never been a virtue of mine. Anxiety is a beast I may never tame. I wish I were better organized so I could spend more time with my creative side and less time looking for my reading glasses. I often do my best work at the last minute, which makes my colleagues understandably nervous.

I’ve spent too much time fighting imposter syndrome rather than finishing my first book. But that will change soon. Being an empty nester means I have more time doing what I love most—writing, reading, exploring indie bookstores, attending author events and writing workshops, and being a good literary citizen.

At this point in my life, I know exactly who I am. It took me a while to get here, but I’ve earned every wrinkle and grey hair along the way. I have collected past experiences and channeled them into the wisdom I wished for when I was younger.

So, you see, Mr. Lemon. I am in my prime. My aces are lined up, and my heart is in the right place. I still shine like a diamond and have had good fortune in spades. I can still play a good hand, and I am not ready to fold. In fact, I am all in.

Reading Slump and Writers Block

What happens when you can’t decide on a book to read or a topic to write about? My worst nightmare. A reading slump and writer’s block. Okay, it’s not a nightmare, but it’s so frustrating.

Let’s start with my reading life. January started out decent. I read two books and liked them both fine. Then, I DNF’d book number three — “Overdue,” a behind-the-scenes look at the public library system. It sounded good when I heard the author give an interview. In reality, I didn’t want to learn anything that would ruin fond childhood memories of storytimes and reading clubs. Then, I chose two different personal essay collections. Both were national bestsellers; neither held my interest. I switched to fiction and picked up a novel I had put down because I was bored with it. I read two more chapters and put the book at the bottom of my TBR pile.

I took a week off from reading and threw myself into work projects, reorganizing closets, and watching The Bachelor. Today, I pulled out two bestsellers that have been on every “Best of 2022″ list I’ve seen—Carrie Soto is Back” by Taylor Jenkins Reid on Audible and  “Verity” by Colleen Hoover. Fingers crossed.

As far as writing goes, I’ve been doing plenty of it. I compose emails and catchy subject lines, edit videos and website copy, take notes in meetings, brainstorm story ideas, and make lists. Someone once told me that if I wanted to be a successful writer, my day job should have nothing to do with writing. Too late for that! If you ask my bosses, I’ve been very productive. But it isn’t the same as working on my book or finishing a blog writing challenge. All of my good habits, like waking up early, reading for inspiration, and sitting down in the chair to put pen to paper, have failed me lately.

But I’m not quitting. I’m starting over, not from scratch, but from experience, which is where I left off.

XO,

Elisa

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