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My Bedroom is Messy

Not my bedroom. 🙂

I read somewhere that you should treat your primary bedroom as a relaxing oasis. A beautiful space in your home that is calm, peaceful, and inviting. A place where you can leave all of your worries at its threshold and put your feet up in a luxurious king-size bed where you get the best sleep of your life. It’s well-lit and decorated to your liking. And nothing is there to distract you except for the book you are reading or your favorite tv show, and you have all the time in the world to enjoy it.

Do my friends have bedrooms like this? Or am I only seeing these havens in home décor magazines and on HGTV? I can tell you one thing – my bedroom is nothing like this. It’s messy. And when I say messy, I don’t mean dirty. In fact, it’s quite clean. It’s just not neat. Sometimes, I refer to my room as a “sorting station” for wayward sunscreen bottles, lost coffee mugs, and unopened mail. It’s also the spot where I can’t decide what to wear, critique myself in the mirror, and wonder if I’ll ever lose the pandemic weight. And more than anywhere else in the house, this room has witnessed every emotion I possess, from depression to delight. Instead of calling it an oasis, I’d describe it as more of a lived-in corner of the house where I can just be myself.

I would love to prioritize cleaning up my room, but by the time I straighten up the more public-facing rooms in the house, I’m not inclined to tackle this one too. I do the minimum tasks during the week to make it less chaotic. I make my bed every morning. I hang up the clean clothes and put the dirty ones in the hamper. I do the best I can to manage the clutter. On weekends, I sort through the odds and ends that don’t belong. When I feel particularly motivated, I’ll reorganize my closet and straighten up my pajama drawer. Once in a while, I’ll have a bag of donations ready to go, but it might sit for a few weeks before I call Purple Heart.

Besides my husband, my kids, and twice a month, my cleaning people, no one else comes in here to look around and judge me. So maybe it is a different kind of oasis after all.

Coffee and Friends

I work from home, so water cooler talk or stories in the office kitchen are not part of the culture. I miss the chit-chat about what we did last night, how was vacation, and what the kids have been up to lately. Now, it’s just me and my Keurig, and it isn’t much of a talker.

So, if I were sitting in a cafe with you, I’d love to hear what’s happening in your world. How is the family? What are you reading now? How’s work? Where are you going on vacation this summer?

And maybe I’d ask you a personal question or two, like How are you doing? What’s on your mind? How can I help? And perhaps you would ask me the same questions in return. Here is how I would answer you.

How am I doing? Not too bad, actually. Although I’m feeling my age a little because I haven’t exercised in a while. Scott and I went for a walk in the park a couple of weekends ago, and it wore me out. There were a bunch of hills in that park, and I need to get back in shape. I also need new sneakers.

What’s on my mind? My book. I’m thinking of going in a different direction. I still want to raise awareness about Parkinson’s Disease, but as I look at my life, there are other things I want to write about. Like how my relationships and friendships have changed as I get older. And how I’m parenting my adult children and trying not to parent my parents. I might want to write about the challenges I’ve faced and the lessons I learned. I’ve lived long enough now to put it down on paper. And even if it doesn’t ever get published, it will be something my family will have as a keepsake – and I will still be known to future generations.

How can you help? Maybe we can make more of an effort to go out for coffee or dinner. I miss my friends, and now that we have a little more time on our hands, we should get together more often and not take our friendship for granted. I love spending time with you and always feel better when we talk. Let’s make that happen soon.

What do you think?

XO,

Elisa

My Ten

The New York Times has a column I enjoy called “My Ten.” Writers spotlight a celebrity, briefly sum up their latest project, and get into the meat of the conversation – what ten things do they swear by? Or what ten things excite them? Or what ten things can they not live without?

Well, I’m no celebrity, but I’ve been around for a while, so I thought I’d make my own list. Here goes nothing.

  1. Reading historical fiction – As many of you already know, I’m an avid reader. Most of the time, I’m reading what everyone else is reading, whether it is a bestseller, a juicy memoir, or a political thriller. But my favorite books are historical fiction. I love being engrossed in a different time period, a new culture, or a foreign country. I learn so much from the era a writer has researched thoroughly and find myself genuinely caring for the protagonist caught in the middle of something momentous and missing them when I finish the book.
  2. Late-night talk shows – The world is a messed up place, and I am concerned about my children’s future. Between ignoring climate change, accepting gun violence (and the resulting tragedies), and denying women the right to make their own decisions about their reproductive future, it’s downright scary. So, when I’m done being depressed by watching the news, I love to turn on Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Amber Ruffin, Leslie Jones, and so many others, and their brilliant writers, who deliver the right balance of humor, befuddlement, and wisdom that I need to hear on a nightly basis. They let me know it’s not just me who feels the way I do about the world around me.
  3. My back patio – Two years ago, we built a beautiful patio complete with an awning that has become an outdoor refuge from my crazy life. I love to take a glass of wine and a good book and sit on one of my comfy couches. It is also a wonderful space for entertaining our friends. Plenty of seating for everyone in a formation that allows us all to engage with each other in conversation. And when it gets dark outside, the awning has lights so we can sit out there all night.
  4. My friends – I didn’t have a ton of friends growing up. I keep in touch with a few people from high school and almost none from college. The friends I have now are all very different from each other, but together they bring me the most joy. And if possible, I think we should all move into a nursing home together when it is time so we can keep the party going for as long as possible.
  5. Networking – When I was looking for a new job, one of my favorite things was meeting new people. A lot of people don’t enjoy networking, but I love it. I am good at small talk and love to learn what people are passionate about and how I might be able to help. My last two positions came to me because of my business relationships. I know it isn’t for everyone, but I tell my college-age kids to give it a try. Doors will open, and endless possibilities await you.
  6. Fresh flowers – I ordered fresh flowers for my Passover seder, which are beautiful. I need to remember to buy them more often and not wait for a special occasion to treat myself. Give me some pretty tulips, gorgeous roses, or fun wildflowers, and my day is automatically brighter. Life is too short.
  7. Philadelphia –  I grew up in South Jersey. I moved across the Delaware River into the Philly suburbs, but this town has always been my home. While I sometimes think it would be nice to live someplace else for a while, this is the city I love. I love our sports teams and our fans (even though we get a little crazy). We have everything from colonial history to the Rocky Steps. The food scene has gotten so much better over the years. There are so many places I have yet to explore, and sometimes a staycation is all I need.
  8. Adulting in Disneyworld – We went on our first Disney vacation without our kids and had the time of our lives. The rides, the food, the festivals – it’s such a special place, and I can’t wait to plan our next trip.
  9. Power napping – Whenever I need to recharge during the workday and on the weekends, I will lie down on the couch for a 20-minute power nap. I always feel recharged afterward, and I never see it as being lazy. For me, it’s necessary self-care.
  10. Brunch – One of the things I aspire to do is try out different places for Sunday brunch. I’ve always been a morning person, and I love breakfast food. I will microwave a breakfast sandwich during the week and count that as breakfast, but what I crave is going somewhere with the perfect omelet, bagel with lox and whitefish, and a good cup of coffee. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

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