True Confessions

I’ll be honest with you. I’m having a hard time motivating myself these days.

Take writing this blog. I’m in the middle of a 30-day blog challenge and I have plenty of time to think of ideas and write something original every day. And yet, I struggle with what to say and hitting “publish” after my seventh draft feels like I’m giving in and saying – this is good enough.

I’m also having trouble working from home. I’m in a new role that no longer places me where I like to be – in the middle of it all. And without having my colleagues nearby, it is difficult to feel connected.

And worst of all, I’m not into celebrating Passover. This comes as a shock to me because I’m the one who typically leads the Seder and buys enough matzah and kosher for Passover food for everyone. Not to say that we didn’t mark the occasion. Thanks to the 11th plague of coronavirus, we had a perfectly lovely family seder last night via Zoom, but I left the meeting a little sad. Social distancing from loved ones is hard enough and seeing their smiling faces on a screen can’t compete with having them here in my home.

My husband and kids are making the best of it with their work and school schedules. They are busy enough to keep the days somewhat interesting. I wish I could say the same. My recent accomplishments include clean cupboards, folded laundry (and put away), and finishing the third season of The Amazing Mrs. Maisel. I’m safely snuggled into my comfort zone reading books and drinking coffee. My dog is much more attached to me than ever before, and the feeling is mutual.

Part of this funk I’m in likely has to do with the fact that I’m getting over a nasty cough. Illness is a major trigger for my anxiety which also plays into my current mood. Thankfully, I never had a fever or breathing issues and was never sick enough to require testing. The antibiotics are finally kicking in, but they wear me out.

I know one morning I will wake up full of energy, feel like myself again and snap out of it–and the sooner the better. All I have is time on my hands.

6 comments on True Confessions

  1. Michelle
    April 9, 2020 at 3:38 pm (8 months ago)

    Thank you for being so open and transparent with how you’re feeling! You are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a difficult time for us all and having anxiety does not help at all. I’m glad you’re able to find some moments of happiness and please know you are not alone with your thoughts.

    Reply
    • Elisa Heisman
      April 9, 2020 at 3:42 pm (8 months ago)

      Thank you, Michelle! I appreciate that.

      Reply
  2. Mariette
    April 9, 2020 at 5:28 pm (8 months ago)

    I love that you’re expressing your feelings. It’s so healing. The fact of the matter, it’s OK to be feeling down and sad. Thanks for making it OK for the rest of us to do the same.

    Reply
  3. Angie V
    April 9, 2020 at 7:35 pm (8 months ago)

    I am feeling much the same. There are only so many closets to clean! But I think if you can sit and get immersed in a good book, it can help bring you out of a funk. Hope you are feeling better soon!

    Reply
  4. Jeanine Byers
    April 10, 2020 at 12:47 am (8 months ago)

    It’s so god to hear people admit t being stressed out, or unmotivated, or whatever is happening as a result of our current national obsession. I keep thinking I need to figure out how to make the best of this time, instead of just focusing on the negative side of it. But I haven’t made much progress in that direction.

    Reply
  5. Beth
    April 10, 2020 at 1:32 pm (8 months ago)

    I’m with you on the motivational factor. Today’s cold snap is not helping. Want to do nothing but have so many projects needing attention. Hang in there.

    Reply

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