Home » Posts tagged '#emptynester'

Posts Tagged ‘#emptynester’

Winter Break Blues

My family in our Hanukkah shirts before COVID hit home.

When I was a kid, I remember my winter break flying by. Before I knew it, I was back in school, hitting the books. Now that I’m an empty nester, the kids’ winter break from college goes by even faster. It seems like yesterday that they walked through the front door with all of their dirty clothes. But that was already a few weeks ago, and now everything is cleaned up, packed up, and moved out again.

It has been so nice to stay up and talk to them in person instead of over FaceTime. And I have had the perfect excuse to clean up the clutter and make more room at the kitchen table so we can have dinner for four. Our dog, Chloe, loves having all of her people home to play with while the grown-ups are working. And I love having four drivers in the house—all able and willing to make a Trader Joe’s or CVS run at any hour of the day.

I know that coming home for them is a chance to rest after a long semester of labs, papers, and tests. But I found this hilarious video on Instagram the other day that is probably an accurate look at what life is like with me when they come home. (Enjoy! And, sorry kids!)

Other empty nesters have told me that it’s even harder when they come home and leave again. They are right, but I know in my heart this is the way it’s supposed to be. And I’m probably a little sadder because we’ve all been under the weather for the last ten days. I had big plans to go out for dinner at some of our favorite restaurants and spend an evening at Longwood Gardens to see the holiday lights. All of that had to be canceled. Our family time soon turned back to FaceTime because everyone had to hide out in their bedrooms.

Oh look, Andrew did leave something behind for me to remember him by—10 bath towels to throw into the washer. That kid uses so many towels!
At least he cleaned up his room before he left!  Thanks, sweetie. See you soon!

Empty Nester-ing 101

I don’t know when the first day of school is in our district this year. It’s not on my calendar nor my radar. When the school buses start to hold up traffic on Susquehanna Road at 7 am, that’s when I’ll know. Why? Because I’m an empty nester now. Jenna began her senior year of college a few weeks ago, and this weekend, we move Andrew into his dorm as he begins his college life.

YAY! It’s another life transition that I’m facing without a manual. While I am excited for them, I’m also sad this part of my life is over. Lately, depression has reared its ugly head and asked me questions like “Who am I without my kids?” and “What does my next chapter look like?” Answer: How the hell do I know?!

I’ve tried everything to tame the fear of the unknown, from retail therapy to real-life therapy, from journaling happy thoughts to crying in the car for no particular reason. Thanks to an amazing therapist and an incredibly supportive and loving husband, I’m learning it is okay to honor those low moments, but it’s also important to make plans, try new things, and stay busy.

In the coming months, I’ll have a lot to say about this empty nester business and how it’s going. For now, I’m staying positive and finding some silver linings. Here is what I’ve come up with so far:

  1. I don’t have to write my name, my husband’s name, our address, home phone number, cell phone numbers, work phone numbers, email addresses, and emergency contact information on dozens of forms (times two kids).
  2. I’m not writing multiple checks for pretzel days, picture days, field trips, or the school directory. Although, the checks are for much larger expenses now.
  3. Back to School nights, parent-teacher conferences, swim meets, dance classes, and track practices no longer need to be meticulously entered into my calendar. Carpools don’t need to be pre-arranged, and I am no longer held hostage by the school calendar. I can take a vacation in the middle of the Fall – and we are planning to! And the phrase “It’s a school night” is no longer an issue.
  4. This winter, we will not be rudely awakened by the sound of the house phone and mobile phones alerting us to school delays or snow days. Of course, I also won’t hear the cheering coming from the kids’ bedrooms as they celebrate having the day off.
  5. My workday won’t be sidelined by requests to drop off forgotten homework, textbooks, laptops, lunches, gym clothes, or swim bags.
  6. I don’t have to worry whether it’s an A day, B day, or any kind of block day. Not that I ever understood that system.
  7. The attendance office will no longer stalk me for an excused absence card. Who will they go after now that their most delinquent parent has moved on?

This list is a good start, but as I focus on the silver linings, I can’t help but see the things I’m going to miss most, like seeing their smiling (okay, often groggy) faces when they come downstairs for breakfast. Or talking about what happened that day at the dinner table. Instead of saying good morning to them, I’ll send them a text. And, I’ll go to bed wondering what they are doing instead of knowing they are in their bedrooms safe and sound. And yes, there is always FaceTime, but it isn’t the same. And yes, my son is going to school less than an hour away, but it isn’t the same. And yes, my daughter could move back home for a while after graduation, but it isn’t the same. Nothing is the same.

Welcome to my world. This is how my thoughts have fluctuated from happy to sad for most of the summer leading up to move-in day. I know change is supposed to happen, which is a good thing. I’ll embrace it. I’m excited to see where life takes them next, and I’m here for them when they need me. And they will. In the meantime, stay tuned for what the future holds for me – my life without a manual.

From Camp to College

One of the best things I ever did for my kids was to send them to overnight camp. For a few years, they spent four weeks away from home amongst friends enjoying the outdoors, developing their connection to Judaism, and navigating daily life without us being there to intervene.

Having never been to an overnight camp as a child, I didn’t know what to expect for my kids. Friends who had that experience in their youth remember it fondly and strongly encouraged me to send them. I remember wondering how I could entrust my children’s lives to complete strangers who were paid to look out for them. But, as I learned more about the camp from other parents and the people working there, I realized it was a special place.

The first year I sent Jenna to camp, I marveled at her self-sufficiency when she came home. She made her bed and brushed her teeth without being asked, which was a miracle in itself. The following summer, she returned and built upon her good habits while pushing herself to try new things. Four weeks later, we picked her up, and she told us she was becoming a vegetarian because she didn’t want animals to suffer so that she could eat. I thought it was a passing phase, but she kept it up for the next three years. The summer after that, Andrew joined her at camp. In addition to their good habits and adventures, they came home with a stronger sibling bond than before (as seen in the photo above from several summers ago).

Those four weeks also allowed me and my husband to spend quality time together. We went to outdoor concerts, saw a few shows, ate at fancier and less kid-friendly restaurants, and one year even escaped to Punta Cana for a week. We reminded ourselves how much we still enjoy each other’s company sans the children.

Over the last two weeks, we had another practice run of the empty nester life. With one kid living away this summer and the other at Philmont Scouting Ranch in New Mexico, we were alone again, but together. And, I’m happy to say we made the most of it!

As I think back to those summers when we dropped off our kids at camp, I realize they were a precursor for what will happen in a few short weeks. We were practicing to become empty nesters. The only difference is that this time they will be away for a lot longer. But, they will be back often with laundry in tow and stories to tell. It will be a different dynamic for our family, but I’m thankful those summer camp experiences prepared us for the next chapter.